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I'm a mom. Finding time to write in this blog is hard, to say the least. I like having it and while it doesn't keep me as motivated as I had hoped, it does keep me honest about my eating and exercising habits. It makes me much more conscious of the behaviors that are contributing to the need for this blog in the first place.

Let's just say that I don't care to post my weight every week. First of all, I think weight is somewhat irrelevant in that it fluctuates frequently, it isn't a very accurate measure of body composition, and it varies so greatly from person to person that it doesn't tell a reliable or relatable story. I think I have gotten too caught up in weight. And honestly, I think shows like the Biggest Loser do too. I've read too many horror stories about contestants who quit eating and quit drinking water before the last weigh-in just to attempt to win the show. One of the contestants actually got so dehydrated that he was urinating blood! Anyway, my point is.. if you get too hung up on the "number", you'll start to engage in more questionable tactics to achieve it.

Take it from someone who used to juice fast. I weighed 140 when I got married and in just a few months, I was up to 153. I decided to try a juice fast. I think the first one I did was 8 or 9 days long with a 2 day break and then another ten days or so. I lost 23 lbs. But it was horrible. Unfortunately, I got hooked on the results I achieved (which didn't last) and I began a four-year stint of yo-yo fasting. It has destroyed my metabolism, to be sure. It has also given me a near-constant desire to regain control through juice fasting time and time again. I haven't fasted since January 2010, and I like to believe I will never try it again. I know it's harmful for me. But I still have the urge to do it, just to get the short-term drop on the scale.

If I ever mention anything in my blog about being tempted to do a fast just to get a head start, please send me a message reminding me that I'm an idiot. But be nice about it, sheesh.

I heard recently that 3% of diets work in the long-term. Three percent. What's the point? In the past year or so, I've really tried to get myself out of the mindset of calorie restriction and just focus more on WHAT I'm eating. Initially this whole blog was about cutting out sugar and seeing how I felt. I would like to get back to that point. So... that is the renewed focus of this blog. I will no longer be posting my weight. I will, however, post inches. And maybe periodically I'll just give an update as to the total pounds lost overall, but that is no longer the focus of this blog. I'm removing my weekly numbers since ultimately I have nothing to show for the past 3 months anyway. We are starting fresh.

So what have I done so far to kick this off? Well.. I took my vitamins this morning! I haven't spouted off about vitamins in a long time! So here goes, this is what I'm taking: Vitamins A, a super B complex with vitamin C, D, E, a prenatal vitamin, magnesium taurate, coenzyme B-complex, fish oil, lutein, probiotics, and glucosamine and chondroitin. Calcium is suspiciously absent because I'm trying to fix what I think is a magnesium deficiency. Once those symptoms disappear, I'll start taking Calcium and Magnesium conjunctively in a 10:4 ratio.

Another thing: I won't be keeping pop or junk food in the house. It's much easier to deny myself things that I don't even have around. Plus we live in the country, so it's not like I can just run out and get whatever I'm craving without piling the kids in the car and driving 50 minutes both ways.

One last thing: exercise. I am struggling to figure out some way that I can get Insanity back in my daily routine. I want to do it. But with Ember teething, I can only set her down for a few minutes at a time before she's screaming again. And her naps have been very brief catnaps. I can't rely on finding a babysitter every day when I want to work out, so I have to figure out something that will keep her entertained during the time that I exercise. Maybe just the video itself will keep her entertained. But for an hour? I doubt it. I guess I'll have to try it. I have to figure something out.

All for now. Until next week!

Weeks Eleven and Twelve

SIGHH. Yeah, that's right. I'm a couple weeks late posting this. I'm trying to decide if I should give all my excuses or just blow past them. Hah. I have not been exercising lately, let's leave it at that. No, I should add that I've also been out of control eating-wise.

Struggles are still the same: finding time to exercise is hard with two kids, and Ember is teething which means we've struggled to get her down by 10:30 or 11 most nights. Jason works a lot this time of year, so I can't rely on him to watch the kids. My only real option is to do it after the kids are asleep, but since Jett wakes up at 6 these days, I'm not overly inclined to stay up late. What it boils down to is finding my motivation again.

Eating will always be my biggest struggle. I'm a compulsive person, especially with food. I'm also very impulsive with food, so it's very important that I don't have things laying around. Or that the things I do have laying around are healthy.

I wish I would've planted the garden this year.

Numbers. More big mopey sighs. My weight is 157. Waist: 34.5 inches. Hips: 38.5 inches. Up, up, up.

Next week my best friend is coming to visit for most of the week. She's pregnant, so we won't be eating healthy or exercising. I can promise you that! But after that.. I'll get serious. Right? I have to. I can't keep posting these terrible blog updates, it's killing me. Blah.

Well, I can't end on that note, so here's what I propose. I will figure out some way to have the kids in the basement with me while I do my workout. Even if Jett decides to join me (i.e. get in my way), it's still better than nothing, right? And I can see if Ember will keep entertained in her exersaucer. There's hope.

Until the next time. And the next time.